He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
