Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
