as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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