can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize