he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
