I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
