she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
