YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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