ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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