It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
