i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
