i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
