Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize