I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
