K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
