Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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