your room smells of hookers.
And success
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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