I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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