Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize