White coat. Heels.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize