Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
