It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
