is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
