youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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