dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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