Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
