I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
