He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
