This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
