hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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