oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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