you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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