At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
