It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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