she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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