He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize