There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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