Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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