youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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