we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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