i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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