The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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