I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize