Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
