The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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