I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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