he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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