I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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