Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
