Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
