I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
