We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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