just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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