You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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