Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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