i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
