my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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