i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize