Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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