He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
