remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
