That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He kissed a someone with a penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
