I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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