Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
