it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
