The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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