The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
