In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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