Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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