A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
